Do not say this to a disabled person
The top question not to ask a disabled person is, “what’s wrong with you?” It assumes the person is abnormal or broken and that there is an answer to that offensive question.
I was born with cerebral palsy. When someone asks “what happened?” or “what’s wrong with you?”, I have no answer for that. It is an anticlimactic response to say that “nothing is wrong” or that “nothing happened to me”.
1 in 4 people in the United States has a disability. That number includes invisible disabilities such as mental health conditions.
Photo by Henry & Co from Unsplash
There are general stigmas around all disabilities implying there is something inherently wrong with having one.
I cannot speak for those who acquire a disability later in life, but having different accessibility needs doesn’t erase my human rights.
A visible disability is also a different experience from an invisible mental health condition.
What it’s like to live with cerebral palsy
“The most common mental health co-conditions associated with cerebral palsy are anxiety and depression.” (cpm.org)
Living with cerebral palsy (especially a spastic type) comes with chronic pain. Many factors contribute to disabled individuals having poor mental health.
Financial stress and lack of social support are among them. Accessibility is expensive because it can require specialized services and equipment.
Cerebral palsy does not affect a person’s life expectancy, but it can affect the quality of life, including emotionally.
For those with a visible disability, people sometimes assume the most challenging part must be the physical effects, when it might actually be the emotional complications.
Answering invasive questions about how my body works is intrusive and exhausting.
Another phrase not to say to a disabled person is “God Bless You.” This statement again assumes there is something in a disabled person’s life to pray away.
Disability is a part of my life. Living with cerebral palsy is inseparable from my other identities and intersectionality.
An entire genre of literature referred to as “sick-lit” focuses on the life of disabled, sick, and dying young adults.
In my view, this genre details the life of people with disabilities with varying accuracy. I connect more to stories centered around mental health issues than physical disability experiences. Perks of Being a Wallflower is one book and film I recommend in the sick-lit genre that demonstrates what it is like to struggle with depression and anxiety