As a person with a disability, I get many questions about how I do everyday activities. Dating, however, is not an activity at the forefront of people’s minds. After all, people with disabilities are often seen as needy and childlike.
Dating is hard to imagine, unconsciously or consciously, for many non-disabled folks.
Being treated like I am not supposed to have those desires has caused me trepidation about how to date. The stereotype that disabled people don’t date follows the stereotype that disabled people are a burden to love.
Photo by Jamez Picard from Unsplash
Philip demonstrates the stereotype of a wealthy disabled person. Interabled couples often face the stereotype of the able-bodied person being “too good” for the disabled person, so they are obviously with them because they have money.
In reality, the unemployment rate of people with disabilities is high partly due to assumptions of how “severe” an individual’s disability is.
In The Upside (2019), Philip is romantically interested in a woman he has written to for a year. However, he doesn’t see a straightforward way to pursue that desire.
Dell has to convince him that “the signs” are there for him to date. Phillip thinks it’s impossible because once she sees him in the chair, that’s all she’ll see. Dell gives Phillip hope about Lilly accepting him and accompanies Phillip on his date.
When Lilly dismisses Dell from the date, this seems like a sign of acceptance, but as the date goes on and Lilly is cutting and feeding the meal to Phillip and herself, Philip asks Lily,
“Is it what you expected?”
At first, Lily plays coy but eventually admits it’s a lot.She says, “the librarian did her homework.”
She talked to people and read about Philip’s disability.
She says, “it isn’t what I expected, but it is what my therapist expected.”
This confirms to Phillip that he is a burden and was right to assume that his disability would prevent him from dating.
The hope that Dell encouraged is frustratingly extinguished. When he snaps at Dell that he is right, Dell tries to tell him rejection happens and “I didn’t hold a gun to your head and make you talk to her.”
Phillip retorts by referencing Dell’s criminal record. Phillip fires Dell, which launches Phillip into a deep depression because all his hopes are gone.
Without Dell, Philip is surrounded by people who are sensitive about his disability, but he hired Dell because he didn’t see his disability first as everyone else does. Phillip needs Dell to guide him to live his life.